I awoke in the hospital on September 11, 2018, after undergoing four months of intensive treatment.
My first thoughts were about my family.
I was worried about the effects of the coma on my ability to get around and get back to work.
I could barely move, much less walk, and I had a hard time thinking.
I knew I was going to have to make a lot of decisions, like who would live and who would die.
I would be a single mother and my husband would have to move out.
I also had a very clear vision for what I wanted to do with my life: I wanted a family and a career.
I wanted everything.
But when I woke in the ER, I didn’t know what to expect.
I couldn’t remember what I had done or how I had ended up in the emergency room.
I didn the same for my mother, who had to take her own life after years of neglect and abuse.
After a few weeks in the ICU, I began to have flashbacks.
In them, I saw her as a person, and her struggle was something I could relate to.
She had endured a lifetime of abuse and neglect, and she knew what it was like to be abandoned and to lose everything.
She struggled with depression and anxiety, and at times she had even contemplated suicide.
As she recovered from the coma, she was still a difficult person to love.
When I came to my senses, I realized that I was in a different place than I thought I was.
The memories of my mother came flooding back.
I had never experienced a death in my life, so when I saw a young girl being killed, I knew that was the last straw.
I cried, sobbed, and had a deep sense of grief.
I thought of my family constantly as I continued to recover.
They helped me through the entire process and gave me strength to face the pain that I felt.
The pain and loss that I endured for the first time were so intense and terrifying.
After my first few weeks, I was able to talk to my mother for the very first time.
We had been married for about a year and she had become a better person.
She was finally able to be with me, and our relationship blossomed.
When my mother returned home, I had to learn that she was no longer the person I knew.
The physical pain of the brain injury was no match for what had happened to me.
I never thought I would have another parent, but that’s what I got.
I am a strong person now.
My mental health is also improving.
I still struggle with depression, but I’ve also begun to come to terms with my addiction to painkillers.
I’ve learned to take my medication more seriously and find ways to manage my anxiety.
I have learned to trust my intuition and I am still working on learning to live a healthy life.
My recovery from brain injury has brought me a lot more freedom and confidence.
Now, I am able to work, play, and enjoy life again.
My mother has also become a stronger person.
While I still have a long way to go, I feel so much better.
I feel more in control of my life and I have much more time to focus on what matters most to me — family, friends, and my career.
The hardest part of my recovery has been the hardest part about it all.
I don’t feel like a fully recovered person anymore.
I’m still in denial about my pain, and sometimes I even feel like it’s not my fault that I’m doing this.
I can’t help but wonder what would have happened had I not gone through my coma.
I wonder what the next few months will bring.
I wish I could give my mother some of the love and support that she so desperately needs, but she has a lifetime ahead of her.